Creating something with a life of it’s own.
It is not a new concept.
Women do it all the time.
We learn from our Mom’s, long after they are gone EXACTLY what that is like and that it does NOT take 9 months…it takes a lifetime!
The parallels with giving birth and creating are just too cliche. But honestly, I’m at the point in the gestation that I am writing in my SLEEP. Anyone remember being 9 months pregnant, unable to breath, or get comfortable. Then dozing off to sleep only to come awake as they decide to wake up and play and are jumping up and down on your bladder?
Yeah it’s like that.I awaken mid-sentence composing.
So I took one look at it all this morning and decided I needed to LAUGH about it all for a while.
Somehow I found myself on the AARP site.
I found a list of things to do and NOT do, after age 50.
What a hoot. My husband starting getting membership forms at age 50. He breathlessly waits 2 weeks from now, when he can get the Seniors deal at i-Hop (now age 55 to qualify).
I have not laughed THAT hard in months.
I mean really…it never dawned on me that,…
there is an age limit for using the word “tinkle”!
Here’s the link to one of them. Of course I can’t figure out how to get there directly! This adventure of electronic devises is the point of this blog remember?
But, going on, One list had this one in it:
“try to master something you are afraid of but won’t kill you”
I think they were talking about skydiving or something.
So I started thinking about what I haven’t done. Self, always full of fascinating help says, ” … Uhmmm … finish the BOOK!”
No-no-no self,…..What other stuff did I think I couldn’t do. Stuff that was too terrifying to even comprehend. I think that things, placed in perspective against another experience helps me compare how bad it really might be(my brain always says “it’s the end of the world”.) There are a million things on my list of things I have survived now BUT…. this one train of thought was interesting and they always involved my mother:
Giving birth terrified me, but didn’t kill me.1 hour after finding the little pink X in September,I called Mom
“On a scale of 1-10, how bad is this going to hurt?”
Honey, when are you due?
July, 9 months.
Good god child! WHAT DAY ARE YOU IN!
Marrying my soul mate terrified me;
Mom I’m terrified, I can’t marry him.
Because it will be wonderful and then he will die and it will hurt too bad.
Really? I would ask you what day you are in but for grins I’ll just start with what decade?
Now you can see WHY I only plan until Friday, huh?
Raising a TEEN AGE GIRL terrified me but didn’t kill me.
I just thought I WAS dying. It frequently crossed my mind that, one of us was going to have to GO …..Ever utter these words or, had them uttered to you:
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”
Uhmmmm, yeah. Heard ‘um and said ‘um.
Her therapist (1995) said, “that probably wasn’t helping the situation.” But let’s face it, very little will HELP a nutso teenager other than continued physical presence in their life and constant communication. At least we were speaking.
I remember thinking. “Well it’s helping ME to NOT kill her. As long as she is sucking air there is still hope.Then,…Note to self: Call your mother to thank her for not ending your life… And apologize profusely for all harm caused by raging hormones, along with every hair-brained thing I ever did.” I made that call so many times. Sometimes I would call to tell her the curse of “10 just like you” wrapped up in one little body, was NOT funny anymore and could she PLEASE take it BACK?!
Mom is cackling with all her heart at all the stories she left to be told!
“But MOMMA!, writing the Lil Lady Iris Jean Books and projects is…terrifying and it might kill me!
Mom, self is BOTHERING ME!
Example of nasty negative absolutes SELF chants at times:
This will NEVER work
this ALWAYS happens,
this is just RUINED and should be burned, or
EVERYBODY thinks your crazy and NOBODY is going to look at this much less read it
I decided I NEEDED to know more about writing so I (of COURSE), got another book. Said book states
“don’t proof read, do not even get tempted to do so, don’t do it…. just GO and keep going.”
I now have 6 folders to proofread. Now I need to make room in the schedule to proofread? Geeze, Louis!
I laughed and I got real still this morning and…
“It will all turn out as it should be. Always has, always will…”.
Even when I think in nasty negative absolutes, she’s always right… always was.
And lets face it. I never could tell a “good” situation” from a “bad one”.
Ya see this?
She turned out so beautiful, joined the few female patrolling Marines.
(I thought I would die, again)
and now has a daughter of her own and another on the way.
(These babies are the REASON for Lil’ Lady Iris Jean ).
She is strong. Oh so strong of character,she glows from those eyes so like my mothers. She is creative, loving and still learning herself. Simply an amazing women.
And.. THE best part is…
She calls to apologize, FREQUENTLY.
And he isn’t dead YET!